Roy Sather

Hello!! and welcome to my page

In this page I hope to tell you alittle about myself, show you a sample of my writing (a little more about myself there also), and to share with you some of my thoughts that will entice you to feel comfortable in sharing your thoughts with me as well by emailing me.

	An exerpt from my manuscript

Tested HIV+ Jan. 91

I live at A Place Called Home, a non profit home for positive men.  We pay a low monthly fee according to income and that includes food, laundry facilities, transportation for medical purposes and other amenities.  Have private rooms with TV cable hook-up, house phone but some of us have our pvt phone too.  My private tel. # is: 602 547 0924 All of us are positive but not all are gay men.

Was on a trial medical test program earlly on, but dropped out after a couple of years because of health deterioration and a new belief in the horrors of AZT.  Met and became a personal friend of Peter Duesberg Ph.D professor of Biology at UC Berkeley and former colleague of Dr. Gallo, member of the most prestigious scientific board and a candidate for the Nobel Prize.  Peter shocked the scientific community in mid 80s when he delivered a paper at NIH stating his findings that HIV could not be the causation of AIDS.  Met other dissenters through Peter and researched their writings thoroughly.  Decided they were correct and began a manuscript with the goal to inform HIV+ people about what these specialists believe. Personal research made me aware of other things including a new interest and insight into spirituality.  Discovered that I firmly believe all of us are part of whatever the original devine spirit is and therefore have innate ability to have good health and lives if we properly interpret and heed signals our magnificent bodies give us. The problem is that as humans we do not always heed those signals, let alone understand them.  Western doctors now seem to be in agreement that certain signals such as stress signals have a real impact on our bodies and affect our well being, including damaging our immune system.  This new belief of mine changed my writing goal from telling about the negative side of HIV and AIDS to the positive side of relying on our internal spiritual signals for survival.

My health kept improving after this revelation even though years of stress had caused severe damage to my immune system.  I learned along the way to pry seriously into my personal memory and to uncover secrets that I not only kept from the general public but in a protective manner from myself.  I had lived a life of many lifestyles and had managed to keep each lifestyle, no matter how divergent from each other, safely in the air as if I were a professional juggler.  But, as years passed and stress increased, I experienced damaging stress. I had lived as a married family man with a son, and successfully managed careers as a sales person, mortgage banker, fund raiser, PR person and lobbyist. All the while leading multiple lifestyles as a straight man, business man, gay man, alternately as a rich man and unfortunately sometimes as a poor man. As a violater of laws being I was several times arressted and charged with illegal sexual activ- ity as a gay man, yet was a holder of top secret clearance, and held responsible jobs. During much of my professional life I was assoc- iated with a primarily Republican crowd and a more or less conserva- tive lifestyle.  At one point received a Presidential appointment as a consultant to HUD.  All seemed circumspect to the outside world but was holy hell inside my private psyche.  I met and lived an extra- ordinary exciting life with my gay partner for 26 years. The greatest loss of my entire life so far was when he unfortunately left me be- hind when he died of cancer 7 years ago  - just after I knew I was HIV+.  Then my son discovered I was HIV+ and a few years ago, stopped communicating with me completely for a reason he will not explain nor will he address whatever his problem might be.  This was a new kind of immediate and debilitating stress and my health went on a downward spiral, quit writing, and my health stats changed accord- ingly and finally ended up with an emergency open heart surgery requir- ing an aeorta valve replacement [with a valve from a pig yet so now I can't be all bad being part of me is now a real pig (grin)] .  Doctors told me that such valves may haaaave had congenital problems and things such as stress can affect there ability to continue to function. It was then I learned a new spiritual lesson.  Hate and anger can be deadly just as all types of stress can be (By this time I had renamed my manuscript which is now a personal memoirs, DEADLY SHAME)  I learned a most valuable lesson then that eliminating hate and anger from one's life is the bests medicine.  I accomplished that by admitting that my son perhaps has his own personal reasons for not communicating with me and which I can do nothing about so dropped all the anger and hate and immed- iately began to recover again.  I then decided that my spirituality dictated to me that if I believe sufficiently enough in something, good things could happen.  So then decided that although I do not know if Peter Duesberg and his ilk are right or wrong, but if I submitted to taking current medicines and really believed they would work I would give that a try.  Did and the fist couple of months indicate that they are working mircacuoulsy for me.  I do not know the future nor does anyone, but know that my new beliefs are helping me and if I can muster up the energy, will go back to my book not to help me but to hopefully help others with AIDS or better yet, all who may be born in the future who are gay by birth with the hope that all who read my work and believe as I do  will have more meaningful lives.

In the meantime, I keep hoping to find people on the net in the various Poz rooms who might believe as I do and hope to find good relations with them.  After all I am a human and no matter what my age, still  have physical desires of strong friendships.  So what is the difference in age have to do with any of us who are aflicted with a yet incurable illness?  The power of positive thinking  grin!!!  If the gist of what I am about is printed there may be hope for a few more friendships in my life before it is too late.  I have a great sense of humor as well as being genuinely interested in others.